Speaking Up

Next week I am doing something that is a big deal for me - public speaking (list item #10).

I was invited to speak at the 4th Annual Internal Brand Canada conference being held in Toronto. It's not a huge conference or anything but I saw it as a challenge for me - an opportunity to do something outside of my comfort zone, but something I think I could do well at with some practice.

If you've known me a long time, you know I've always been a very shy person. I have come a long way. When I was really young, I used to make my brother talk for me to anyone outside of my immediate family (and maybe grandparents). In elementary school, my shyness was often mistaken for me not paying attention, or worse, being unintelligent. There was (and is) nothing worse to me than people thinking I'm not smart, simply because I was quiet in group settings. I recognized at a very early age that I'd need to be brave and get better at speaking up in group situations to make sure people took notice of my ideas and brain power (ha).

In the 4th grade, our school held a talent show. It was completely voluntary - so (naturally...) I signed up to be a performer, telling jokes. I can vividly remember my mom getting a call from the teacher about my intentions.

"She signed up to do what???!! In front of the whole school? Lauren did?"

My Mom got off the phone looking confused. She sat me down, and was quite serious.  I wondered if I was in trouble. She chose her words carefully, cautiously. She was sure I simply had not understood the nature of the show being for the whole school and parents, or the fact that it wasn't mandatory for students to perform. When I told her I understood, she looked more confused. She then asked me (in the most supportive, loving, but bewildered way) why I had chosen to tell jokes. To her, I wasn't an overly funny kid. I was clever, and liked a good joke, but I wasn't funny. So why jokes? Obviously, I responded, it was because I couldn't sing or dance. My mom told me as long as I was sure I wanted to do this, she'd help me with whatever I thought I needed help with.

The day of the talent show arrived. I had borrowed a giant wrinkle dog puppet from family friends (my mom's "help") - someone to be on stage with me to be a part of my routine. I was wearing overalls but I am not sure why (also my mother's idea - probably to match the puppet). What I did know I was absolutely soul sucking terrified. I was in a fog of fear.  My act was after a classmate's lip-synching, leather pant and jacket wearing rendition of Gowan's "You're a Strange Animal" - the kid had star power and had the crowd mesmerized. How the heck could I follow that?

But I did. I got up there. I only remember the very first joke I told:

Q: Why did the circle, square and triangle go jogging?
A: Because they wanted to stay in shape

Within seconds, one of the teachers in the back broke out in loud, genuine, hearty guffaws. I had succeeded. And while I still would be painfully shy for many years to come, I had slowly but surely poked my head out of my shell just a little bit, enough to know that someday I would be capable of being a person who could easily express myself to a large group of people.

Thirty some odd years later, I'll be getting up on stage to do my first "professional" public speaking gig. While I probably won't break out the shape joke, the whole thing is a bit of a tip of a hat to the fourth grader in me who took a chance, and did something terrifying, knowing that it would make me a better person in the long run.

Oh and the lip-syncher who "opened" for me in the talent show? Yeah, he's the lead singer in a little band called Finger Eleven. I guess more than one of us went places :)